We all suffer. We suffer pain. Right now my jaw is killing me like crazy, I have TMJ and the nerve is compacted right now or something. My head is throbbing with pain. This Christmas, my grandmother fell and broke her knee while holding some sort of scholarship thing that was created because of her dead daughter. My mother is going for a root canal tomorrow.
So there you have it. At this instant a lot of people in my direct and immediate family are suffering from very painful physical complaints.
Your suffering is indeed different in several ways. I would like to start by saying that it is obvious you are depressed and I have been quite depressed in the past. I suffered for months and years from a really heavy type of depression. It was miserable and made every bit of pain I experienced much more painful. It was a terrible suffering that was many folds worse because of the depression. Sometimes it literally felt like I had to consciously breath, I had no sort of automatic breathing mechanism built in. It was like there were weights on my chest.
Today I feel much better. I no longer experience any episodes of depression. My mood is always up.
So what changed within me in order to alter my circumstances, to make my depression evaporate?
It was the recognition that all my pain and suffering was coming from the desire to have circumstances different then the one I was experiencing.
I had gotten out of a relationship with a long term girlfriend. I wanted her back. I could not have her back, she was something I could no longer have. I distressed. I thought about her, obsessed about her. This went on and on for several months.
Eventually I had to confront this fact. While I might not be satisfied with my current circumstances, it didn’t do me much good to desire alternative ones.
So you need to accept your current physical state. It’s the way it is, there’s no using imagining those ailments being gone because they are not going to magically disappear. I know people that live quite happily with a condition where they generate kidney stones and have to pee them out every so often, and trust me it is probably a great deal more painful then what you’re experiencing, but then again what do I know?
Furthermore, you have an immense amount of pride I can tell. So what if you have a Masters degree? A masters is what, 7 years or so? All of my siblings and me are achieving or will have 4-5 years university each. All my friends at the very least go to college and get 2 years in.
So stop puffing yourself like you know everything. You know very, very little of all the available knowledge out there. To be frank, it’s more likely then not that you’ve just gone around and formed an opinion on everything. That is a source of misery in itself. Give that bad habit up and learn some humility, the proud are miserable. Their pride gives them no peace, it is a constant maintenance. And it is the root of your depression as well.