Author: adminchb

Looking Again

After about a year of being single I decided last month to dip my toes back into the dating pool. I’ve enjoyed my time being single but starting to miss having somebody in my life romantically. I was with my ex for eight years and the breakup was anything but amicable. That is a story I am trying to put behind me though so I’m not going to get into what happened with her. A lot has changed since I was single the last time mainly the explosion of internet dating. I wasn’t sure where else to meet women also looking for a relationship so I figured the internet was going to be my best bet. I know my friend Dave met his current girlfriend online so I asked him for advice. He came over one night and helped me get my profile set up. Since then I have had three different dates with varying success.

Amanda was the first woman that I started to talk to. She is a vet tech and eventually wants to open her own veterinarian office. I figured right off the bat she had some bonus points with that as she could look after my dog Skip when needed. We talked over messenger and then on the phone for a few days before meeting up for a drink after work one evening. I was a bundle of nerves and she was too. It started off ok but about 45 minutes in I think we could both tell the chemistry wasn’t there. After we parted ways that night neither of us have contacted one another and I doubt that is going to change.

Jill was up next and I am still talking to her. We decided on a movie as she mentioned that she really wanted to see IT. Horror movies aren’t my thing but it did have good reviews so I agreed. The movie was surprisingly good and afterwards we went out for a nightcap. Jill works for her Dad who owns his own business. She is the office manager and according to her she’ll be running the company one day. We have a lot in common including being big football fans. She casually mentioned her Dad has season tickets and when he doesn’t which is about half the time she can use them if she wants. That definitely was a good thing. She said we might be able to go to the game next weekend if I’m free. She wants to take things really slow which is fine by me so we will see where things go.

The last woman I’ve met up with is Cheryl. She is a little bit older than me but you couldn’t tell by the way she looks. She is an executive assistant for a CFO of a local business. She is divorced and has two kids. I wasn’t really looking to be a step-dad but I get along with her so well that I am looking past it. They are in high school so it isn’t like I’m going to be changing diapers or anything like that. I’ve only met them once and it was more or less in passing but they seemed nice enough.

I have to say that as it stands today I like Cheryl the most. It is getting to the point where it is sort of a struggle juggling my time between her and Jill. I’m going to have to make a decision soon and I can’t say that I’m looking forward to it. Dave told me I’m lucky in that regard because it took him almost three months before he found his girlfriend.

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Create Your Style

face-1230525-639x851Some of the people I go out with have been doing some weird things recently. Now, I want to be clear that I am not criticizing them, but instead pondering it. Because it’s really just that I am pretty mild when it comes to these things and my friends are awesome so I’m kind of envious. Let me share some, ok, my one friend was changing up the style of her shirts. Now this sounds weird but she went from weird tight shirts to baggy shirts. Makes no sense to me but she seems to like it. She was also wanting to wear Medusa scleras which are crazy but I think that if she were to do it it would be great because she is the kind of person that would do that.

There are a few people I know of that are into that kind of thing and she is one of them. It’s mostly because they want to see what they can do and how far they can go with stuff, but I think that she is going to be happy with them because she really likes doing stuff that other people would usually not do. I think that is what I like the most about her. And really it has a lot to do with the fact that she just really likes to express herself. I feel like that is part of what makes her amazing. You see, she is really one of those people that will just do what she likes and not really put much effort itnto thinking about other people are going to say. I think that is good. Because most of the people I know aren’t like that it i can be enjoyable to hang out with her. The only thing is hat I see it rubbing off on me and i”m not sure how I feel about that. Mostly it has to do with the fact that I like to be easy going and she is not. She definitely kind of neurotic but maybe in a nice way. That might be confusing. I think that she is a cool person and i could probably get a lot of good ideas from her. But I think that her sense of design is kind of crazy and that might be why she doesn’t want o to go to the store with me. I usually get my clothes from normal places anyway and she tends not to. But I think that what she does is pretty incredible and that is why her style is good. I like to see the things she creates and then see if there is anything related ot that that I could use in my clothing. Getting used to her constant barrage of ideas was probably the most difficult part of hanging out with her. But she is awesome. Probably the other thing I like about her is that she is really creative.

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Designing Stuff

The best thing about having your own house is that you have a yard. Well, you might have a yard. There might be some houses that don’t actually have one but maybe it would be more honest to say of everything I like about my house, the yard is one of the things I adore. People reading this might be like obviously, why wouldn’t you? Opposition might even say that they wouldn’t want that because it’s just more upkeep and everything and they would rather live somewhere where there are people to do that. Those are all unusual to me. Thrilling guests with all you can do is just another factor.

The first thing to respond.

Let’s talk about this. Just going outside and taking a little stroll and knowing that I can basically have whatever I think would be fitting is something that I covet. If you happen to have a yard in another type of place you don’t have as much accessibility to do whatever comes to mind. For example, there could be laws about what you can have, and you might want to get something that is not on the list of approved things. At my place there are no such classifications. The other thing is that I’ve got the ability to go there and go out and do whatever I want. I invite friends over. I will go back there and just do a little work in my garden, which, by the way is pretty. The thing is, it’s just something that I am really interested in and am trying to keep some stuff in there that won’t take too much effort to have. I am always in the mood to understand how this works better, and will be adding some other accessories like wrought iron garden furniture that I think will improve the overall setting.

If you are not the kind of person who really wants to do anything in your property, though, that’s not a big deal. The fact that it is something that you have the availability to do whatever you want is enough to make you glad. The only thing is that you do actually need to make sure that everything is fine. It is a little bit more maintenance than having something like you’d find in a shared housing area, but at the same point you are able to use it for whatever you want. That is what many people find to be so beneficial, not that there is anything they have to do, but the fact that they can do anything they prefer.

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My Place Does Not Smell

flowerSomeone told me my house smells.  Can you believe it?  First of all, my house smells awesome if it smells at all.  I keep everything picked up and everything.  But it made me think, I should probably look into an air purifier.  I know that, in addition to controlling odors they can also help keep dust and other stuff out of the air that you probably don’t want.  I have seen some models that range from little desktop ones to but units that go on your floor.  Something smaller would probably be better for my needs because my place isn’t even that big to begin with but I think that I’m going to see what is available.  I was looking at the Whispure 510 and it seems to be pretty good although I will admit I haven’t done that much searching and I’m going to need to find some more before I  decide what I really want to get.  The other thing is that I do a lot of cooking and some of the food I cook might have a unique odor but I think it smells good.  It’s not like I’m leaving old food out or anything.  But mostly, I just want to have a place that is good when my friends come over.  When someone tells me it isn’t nice then I don’t want to invite people over because I worry that they might not have fun when they come here.  So I’m thinking that I definitely want to look into the whole air purifier thing.

I think that if I can keep some of the dust particles or whatever out of the air in my home that might make it a bit better.  I don’t know if it’s too loud but I think that they probably design air purifiers to be quiet so that they don’t disturb people. I mean you wouldn’t want to have it on when people are over and you’re trying to have a conversation and you can’t even hear people talk or hear each other talk because of the air purifier that is running in the background.  But I need to head over to the store and listen to them and see if they are going to work or if they are too obtrusive or whatever.  Really, though, I think that I should do that before I forget and it becomes another thing that I keep thinking about but don’t get around to it.  So I’m going to do a bunch of research and then go get the one that I like the looks and performance of and give it a go.

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bedroom floorSo my friend has this issue where he snores at night.  I know this because I spent the night on his couch and I could hear him snoring in the bedroom.  I was like dude, how do you not wake yourself up?  He said somehow he manages to sleep through it.  He doesn’t believe me that he snores, though, so I told him he needs to record the sounds he makes when he’s in bed.  I think that is a good enough reason to see if there is anything you can do about it.  I am going to send him a link to this website.  I think he should try and see if he can do anything to stop making those growling breathing sounds when he’s asleep.  I also think that if he has more people spend the night they are going to barely get any sleep.  I am going to send him some info about how he can try a few things and see if those help.  Here is a great article from Aaron Creedon that might have something he can use or maybe he’ll just browse a bit bit and see if there is anything he wants to try.  I mean, I don’t really care because I only sleep at his place like after a party if I don’t feel like going home or whatever but I think that he might want to do something.

Speaking of my friend, he said that he’s going to completely change the carpet in his apartment bedroom.  He has wood floors everywhere except in the bedroom, and he said that he wanted to get new carpet.  I don’t know if you can just change the carpet in there but I’m pretty sure he’s going to try.  The carpet he has in there now is pretty soft but I think he wants something that is a bit smaller, or like that doesn’t come up as much.  I don’t really know anything about carpet but I can tell a difference between some kinds.  The other thing my friend was thinking about was getting a new pair of running shoes to wear to the gym.  We go to the gym and he has been complaining that his shoes are kind of falling apart and I’ve been telling him to get new ones for a while and I think he’s finally going to shop for some since I guess his are not doing it anymore.  But really, I like to have my shoes laced all the way up when I’m at the gym and I don’t even think those stay laced anymore.  We go to the gym together which is pretty fantastic.

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Studying Karate

karateOne thing that I would like to learn more about is martial arts.  I’ve been reading a bit about them and it seems like I would be interested in learning karate or kung fu but I’m not sure if there are any places around here where I could take lessons.  I think there is a place across town but I think it might be a taekwondo school and I’m not really too sure I want to learn that style.  I know that they’re all kind of the same but there is something about taekwondo that just makes me not really want to learn it.

I’m also going to see if my friend wants to go to the school with me.  On the way there we could listen to each other and get ready for class.  I’m not sure if he would want to study it with me but I figure I will ask because I think it would be kind of cool and I know that my friend likes martial arts.

I also think that I’m going to need to start making some changes in my work so that I can fit in some martial arts classes.  The classes are usually in the evenings and that’s when I’m usually busy so I’m going to have to see what I can do about that.  I’m going to see if my friend wants to check out the school with me so we can see if it’s the kind of thing that we are interested in or not since there are some karate schools that are kind of run not so well, and then there are the places where you just pay a bunch of money for promotions.  I don’t want to go to a school like that.  I’d rather be at a place where you learn the art and the promotions are part of the program but not the main reason that people are there.  There are also some martial arts supplies I will need to get and I think that I’m going to want to get some clothes to train in, too.  We will probably have uniforms in class but at home I’m going to need something to wear because I want to practice all the techniques and stuff that I learn.  There might even be a way to hang a punching bag or something in my basement so I’m going to see if I can do that.

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Communication, Feelings, And Signal Reading

That would be a communication failure: instead of taking what he said at face value for what it was, you’d be taking it as a signal. Signal-reading is the art of taking a potential non-issue and making it a huge issue.

I think that you are probably feeling one or more of several things:

– fear of inferiority
– fear of loss of love
– appreciation for the openness and honesty

What you feel is largely involuntary. How you choose to handle what you feel, though, is a choice. Some people handle negative feelings by breaking up, or attacking their S/O, or guilt-tripping, or acting out, or perhaps by contriving some betrayal in the hopes of causing pain.

Personally, my preference is to mention the feelings. This sometimes requires a leap of faith. And an assumption of best intentions (or at least, good intentions).

If you are lucky, you are with someone who repays that good faith. And the world won’t end.

a) They have to spend time together for work purpose. I am OK with them spending time together under professional circumstances. They did spend almost the entire trip doing dinner and drinks, sometimes with others, sometimes just the two of them, and an entire day to go sightseeing just the two of them. I found out about the sightseeing as it was happening. I did feel like my feeling was not being considered as we did not talk about if I would be OK with it.

b) The way he expressed his feeling was sort of in between your two scenarios. I don’t really recall how it all went down, I just remember my reaction was rage and more like WTF did you just say. And then I suggested I will just leave him to make his choice easier, that’s when he responded with: “But nothing happened because I love you.”

a) Sounds like a communication issue. I’m surprised neither of you thought to discuss them hanging out socially since they were both going to be there. That’s both your faults in my opinion, but that also means I don’t think anyone did anything wrong necessarily. Just talk about it now and make your feelings known so that going forward you both know how the other feels about it.

b) Based on your answer to a, I would say full disclosure isn’t your typical MO, so his being so open with his feelings here is a bit odd. Unless that is normal for him to be so forward with his feelings and you are just the one who doesn’t speak up (not judging, I just don’t know how you are). Either way, you should talk to him about how all of this makes you feel. Don’t point fingers or tell him how to behave, but definitely talk about how you feel and why you feel that way.

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A Plan For Facing The Fear

Furthermore, consider your fear of life. What are you afraid of? More suffering on the horizon? How do you know that death will be better? You do not. It would be foolish to commit actions without knowing their consequence. Suicide is a coward’s frantic leap, one that they know better to make. Yes, it would absolutely tear your mother apart. What are you thinking?

Wake up. Lay down that pride, endure the humiliation of facing life without that fake face of pride. It’s a heavy shield that takes a toll on you. Start being honest to people, see a good doctor and psychologist and be upfront about what you’re feeling with them. Tell your mom how you feel, she will offer great support. Stop fearing life. If you can do these things, I mean really do them, then you will be looking back on your life in a year or two thinking “what the hell got into me”?

I’ve seen through the eyes you’re looking through right now, and I feel way more sober now. Depression is simply the result of anger you haven’t dealt with, and those roots of anger are doubt, fear, frustration and guilt. Work on all of this stuff and you will be happy and the world will become your oyster.

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Getting Past Sessions Of Unhappiness

We all suffer. We suffer pain. Right now my jaw is killing me like crazy, I have TMJ and the nerve is compacted right now or something. My head is throbbing with pain. This Christmas, my grandmother fell and broke her knee while holding some sort of scholarship thing that was created because of her dead daughter. My mother is going for a root canal tomorrow.

So there you have it. At this instant a lot of people in my direct and immediate family are suffering from very painful physical complaints.

Your suffering is indeed different in several ways. I would like to start by saying that it is obvious you are depressed and I have been quite depressed in the past. I suffered for months and years from a really heavy type of depression. It was miserable and made every bit of pain I experienced much more painful. It was a terrible suffering that was many folds worse because of the depression. Sometimes it literally felt like I had to consciously breath, I had no sort of automatic breathing mechanism built in. It was like there were weights on my chest.

Today I feel much better. I no longer experience any episodes of depression. My mood is always up.

So what changed within me in order to alter my circumstances, to make my depression evaporate?

It was the recognition that all my pain and suffering was coming from the desire to have circumstances different then the one I was experiencing.

I had gotten out of a relationship with a long term girlfriend. I wanted her back. I could not have her back, she was something I could no longer have. I distressed. I thought about her, obsessed about her. This went on and on for several months.

Eventually I had to confront this fact. While I might not be satisfied with my current circumstances, it didn’t do me much good to desire alternative ones.

So you need to accept your current physical state. It’s the way it is, there’s no using imagining those ailments being gone because they are not going to magically disappear. I know people that live quite happily with a condition where they generate kidney stones and have to pee them out every so often, and trust me it is probably a great deal more painful then what you’re experiencing, but then again what do I know?

Furthermore, you have an immense amount of pride I can tell. So what if you have a Masters degree? A masters is what, 7 years or so? All of my siblings and me are achieving or will have 4-5 years university each. All my friends at the very least go to college and get 2 years in.

So stop puffing yourself like you know everything. You know very, very little of all the available knowledge out there. To be frank, it’s more likely then not that you’ve just gone around and formed an opinion on everything. That is a source of misery in itself. Give that bad habit up and learn some humility, the proud are miserable. Their pride gives them no peace, it is a constant maintenance. And it is the root of your depression as well.

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And Some Better News Now

I just got this letter from my sister who is really happy with her life.  This made me smile!

This time next year I hope we are all settled into living in our own home. By then our baby boy (I’m pregnant) will be 4 months old. The lease on our house (we rent one now) ends in 3 months and we have already decided we aren’t going to renew it. I would like to move to the Cedar Park, Texas area and have been checking out homes for sale there. I have found a few I like already but still have to show them to my husband. He’s overseas right now for business and will be getting home later this week. He travels a lot for his job which is the only negative thing about it. The positives far outweigh the negatives though the big one being that he makes enough money that I don’t have to work myself. That will be great for when our son is born

Besides that I have been staying busy trying to get things organized for my sister Amy’s wedding. I’m her Maid of Honor and that is a duty I don’t take lightly. I only have one sister and I hope this will be her only wedding so I want to make sure everything goes as perfect as it can. I can’t say I’m a big fan of the man she’s marrying but that is beside the point. I just think he is very egotistical and my own personality doesn’t gel with people like that. I am anything but that but she loves him and that is all that matters right?

I am honestly going to miss our current house a little bit when we move as we have been here for 4 years and will leave behind a lot of good memories. I really wish the owners would just let us buy it from them but that isn’t going to happen. I know because it was the first thing I did when we decided we didn’t want to rent anymore. The owner told me that he wishes he could sell but it is his wife that won’t let him. She sees it as their bread winner for years to come so that is that. I just hope that they can find new tenants in timely fashion. I was already told the last month that we are here we can expect to have the place shown a few times. I will have to make sure I’m not home when that happens.

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